December is coming in...

The last month of (our) calendar year gives me pause to think and reflect on some things. Like everyone else, things I want to accomplish are top and things I'd rather not think about are rather lower down the priority of thought index, but still you need to give them their due consideration as well. You know the inevitable question you get asked: 'So, what's your New Year's resolution?'

Before I jump into thoughts about it, I'd like to clarify that this year I've gotten to like the whole me a little bit more than I ever had prior. All aspects of it, I mean. It's not to say my life is perfect or I have everything I want, that's never the case with anyone. I have things and goals to achieve but for a standpoint of getting into a shower or under the covers to sleep I can say that my personal decisions seem OK with my physical dimensions...for the moment. I am still soul-searching so that may change. Now, to the point(s).

First I want to be able to achieve dressing more than I have. This past year was pretty barren, some of it due to work, some of it due to other circumstances. I also need to get out the makeup brushes and really apply myself to learning the art of putting it on. There are great resources out there, like YouTube, etc. that I have barely tapped into to learn techniques, what sorts of equipment I need, etc. It's all out there, somewhere, if I just sit down and look.

I also need to organize and get my act in gear. I tend to misplace things and when your mind is cluttered so is everything else. I want to take time to get myself into an organized state of mind and then apply myself to keeping that way. That will make a happy girl, not a frazzled 'where the %#$# did I put my earrings??!?!' kind of girl. Happy is more productive and keeps the blood pressure at a more constant number. :-)

All in all, as time goes along, I want to keep myself from going to the 'batty' places, straightening my life out in its myriad shambles is not good and not healthy either. I need to also take more time to keep myself 'femme' as much as I can. This morning I picked up a pair of underwear and just held them to my cheek, savoring the sweet softness and delicate nature of the material and what it means to me, before heading off to tackle another day of insanity. It was like a moment of sweet silence, of waking to hear a bird gently singing and a warm comfortable breeze wafting over your blissfully naked body. You arch and stretch and feel so comfortable. That's the sort of effect I am going for here (or, the idea of it).

I've got my work cut out for me but if I remain diligent, I can see results. And once the results are there, the time I can devote to being myself will expand because I will be a) better organized, b) more in a sound frame of mind from being better organized and c) better able to come to grips with what I need to do because I won't feel so frazzled.

That's not to say there won't be ups and downs, moments where the path becomes slippery, but as I posted in the last blog, this is NOT a race. I am going at the pace I need to go at, determining what my life means. I lived in denial for so long, I can't just rip down that sense and build a new one. It takes some time and prioritizing my immediate goals. Getting out and enjoying time as 'me' will be a great lift to my spirits, but organizing myself and getting a handle on the shambles in my life has got to take top priority. Then I can focus on more fun things, more interesting things and I will be better able to enjoy them as well.

Earlier this year I had gutted out a closet and tossed all the male clothes (dress shirts, slacks, etc.) into a bag and off they went. I made it my 'girls only' closet so I had a place to organize myself, but the other areas became a shambles, a sprawl I intend on working to correct. Time is tight through the end of the year but it will come and I will push myself not to make do with "I'll get started on this tomorrow." Tomorrow's too late, today's the day....carpe diem!!

And once the sprawl and decay of neglect are eradicated, the happiness from being sorted out and in control will take over and this girl will move from being frazzled to feeling accomplished.

And getting positive things done is a great accomplishment indeed!