The other day I was going down the stairs when I noticed something I had not ever noticed before...
Jiggling!
I'm not referring to loose change in my pocket or some happy containers of 'Jello' but another...physical sensation. The slow development of breasts.
I'm pretty much trying to go a more herbal/natural route to begin with so I can work through other issues but maybe see some sense of progress, some hint of the way things will go.It's not like I am suddenly sprouting a full C cup or anything- heck they aren't even A----, no the changes are slight... but they are changes.
And change can be a good thing.
It's a unique thing to feel this way, having never noticed the up and down motion of this part of my body my brain immediately processed the difference and my mind immediately identified it. It was a distinctly female body motion (at least what I imagine is one...) and it made me acutely aware of something.
A lot of girls go into the process of transitioning like it's a footrace, you have to be hare or tortoise, hammer or anvil. It's not. It's about taking the life you want to live and work at the pace that fits all the pieces you have to coordinate with. Think of it as you get asked to go out, you stare at your closet, not sure what will work with what and your moods and sensations and expectations play a part. Not everyone is in this to gallop off into the sunset like a western. Remember not to rush yourself because rushing...well you know the old saying about rushing and angels fearing... yeah, that one. Don't set such a breakneck speed for your transition that you actually do break your neck, even in a philisophical manner.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, the small steps I have been taking took a leap forward. I no longer said 'gee, what would it feel like' to 'so, this is what it feels like!', a big jump! Now you may think that I will accelerate the regimen, but I will keep the pace I am at. I am not running a marathon... I am living this thing called 'life'. Life is what happens while you're thinking and doing other things. It is there, then it's gone. Seize the moment you have and live your life for yourself, because no one else can.
These tiny growth spurts are part of a larger picture, I see that, but the journey is foggy. The path uncertain and the destination murky... but I know what I would like to do now, and I welcome the changes that help me self-identify better.
It's not a milestone, but it sure feels like an accomplishment, and I am all for accomplishing something. Next step is to encourage them to grow more!!
Perhaps I'll try fresh new soil and some fertilizer as well! :-)
